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Dear mother, 

The intensity in which I miss you increases with every passing day. There are days I try to negotiate with the feeling, while some days I just let myself feel it. It's deeply painful, but I don't mind. The absence is felt as much, as the presence would have been, had you been existing. And how much I wish that you did.

I find myself extremely tired whenever I go to college, I sleep at a stretch for more than 12 hours, waking up very lazy in the morning. The emotional and the basic survival struggles seem to be spilling up at times.  But everything would have been so fine if I could come back to you every day. You know I don't wish to skip realities, I don't wish to run away, I understand sufferings are inevitable in life.  I just wish you were here.

Sometimes it's so cold at night that even if I hold the blanket closest to me, it doesn't help much. I do put down fire very actively in the class group but can't really drag them at night to feel warm you know! Hehe! 

Also, I told you to meet me for a second and I'd make it a lifetime. I really don't think that's possible 😅 I'll break into pieces if I have to let you go once we meet. Every other day I come across new reasons why someone would not want to stay with me, but I'm sure with you I'd also find reasons why someone would want to. Can't wait to meet you, really. I wish I could flip the realities, I could make you exist, I could paint and talk to you.

I'm taking leave now, thank you for being on the other side of reality. I'll cherish you till the end, no matter what I see with open eyes, you'll always be with me when I close them. I exist in both worlds, equally. Because of course I can't escape the sufferings, the inevitability of life, neither can I let go of the world that has you. 

Yours lovingly,

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